It was a morning C Course, with a planned 11:20 start which was delayed by 6 minutes to
11:26. A hot sunny day with a strong down river breeze with many gusts and choppy water.
The start point was from the last moored boat on the pontoon, in line with the mooring
posts on each side of the river and the partly-hidden by new buildings Steam Museum
Tower.

Six boats started:
Zephyr, James Armitage and daughter, 23444, Enterprise.
Porpoise, L Kolobov, 21408, Enterprise.
Phoebe, Rob Adams, 174570, Laser.
Kaia, Keith Clarke, 195250, Laser.
Distant Thunder, Chris Greenwood & Felicia, 1043, Leader.
SY2, Sam Shemtob with two young crew from America., SY2, Wayfarer.

A good start with a James leading, followed closely by Rob, Keith, Lev, then Chris with
Sam far behind with his well reefed sails.
After about 10 minutes Lev capsized near Kew but he speedily righted the boat and set
about emptying all the water out.
Good progress was made by the first 5 boats with Sam still well behind.
The buoy was placed in line with the Sion Park wall near the London Apprentice. Alas,
soon after rounding the Buoy Keith decided some capsize drill was needed. He righted the
boat well, but had two more capsizes and decided it was wise to retire and the Safety Boat
started towing him back.
James and Rob were well ahead in the distance followed by Lev.
Chris and Felicia had pulled into the side near Kew and Brentford Ait and lowered the sails
and mast because of a broken rudder due to loose pintles.
During all these events Sam gently ambled along from well behind and made up lost time.
As the safety boat was towing Keith’s Laser back they passed us, lowered the sails, and then
gently and gracefully drifted by the finish line with no help from oars.
Finish times:
James, 12:15:30
Rob:, 12:16:00
Lev, 12:25
Sam, 12:45
Keith Retired
Chris Retired

Tim Young OOD

Race Report: Election Candidates. Sunday 17 July 2022
The Election Candidates trolleyed their policy boats, immediately axle-deep in
fetid, mud-green sludge and sleaze, onto a de-oxygenated riverbed.
Could there possibly be a clean start – or was it a sign of much more mud-
slinging to come?
The wind of change was in the air: a hot and strong Westerly.
Late on the scene, delayed by the ruthless routing-out all other contenders,
the 1922 Committee Safety Boat with James and Nikita onboard, agreed with
the OOD it was a perfect day for long and selection-testing questions on an’
A’ for Politically Correct Answers course with the downstream buoy at the
SGSC ramp and upstream at the Bell & Crown – with even the possibility of
Round the Island, if anyone had a new idea to offer.
Three Lasers stood up first for Questions.
Rob, the “No Fairy Tale” [NFT] candidate was followed by Keith, “Mainstream
Tacks Policy” [MTP], and then by John, determinedly both standing and
sitting for a traditional: “Blood, Sweat, Toil & Tears” [BST&T] policy. They
were followed by Chris and Felicia, who were claiming the votes for:
“Diversity & Gender Balance” [DGB].
All four then found that the fresh hot wind, almost from the start, was dying
out. So politically which way to go?
All were certain that taxing to the Left, while tacking to the Right would be a
sure race winner. Only Keith [MTP] stuck to the mid-channel position with
minor adjustments, fine-tuning his policy-trimming, taxing this way and then
axing taxing that.
But they all struggled to get as far as the grid, where they were all becalmed.
Oliver’s Island, representing the Great British Public [GBP] with its tall bulk of
trees, had stubbornly blocked a slight shift in wind to the South-West – and
refused to allow the fresh breeze of honest public opinion to take any interest
at all in the squabbling and argumentative in-fighting that was now breaking
out amongst these racing Election Candidates.
Whose: “Broken promise” to give way had left a bitter taste? Who was the:
“Snake from behind” who had found that tiny nudge of wind to get ahead and
spoil the fact they were: “Ready to lead”? Where had the ambition to “Get
things done” found that their path to victory was obstructed and unachievable?

What had their experience of: “Serving on the front line” all
been for? They were all obviously now deeply: “In The Thick Of It.”
But John, [Blood, Sweat, Toil & Tears], was certain that now was exactly the
right moment to: “Hit the ground running”. And he did so. Literally.
Dramatically shifting tack to go inside the grid, his centreboard struck the
timbers – and he both broke off a chunk of fibreglass, and nearly broke a
thumb; leaving a smear of blood that could potentially be a good clue for a
future role in Death in Paradise, should he need a post-political career?
The 1922 Committee went to see if [by some mysterious and secret means]
they could shift the position of the downstream buoy to enable a different kind
of voting, and a quicker outcome – and saw that there was a significant
breeze of journalistic investigation that meant they couldn’t. They retired to
moor for the duration in contemplation at the Bell & Crown.
At long last, Rob, [NFT], turned round the buoy and sped upstream on the
incoming tide with a determined: “Will to win”. He was followed by Chris and
Felicia [DBG], beautifully goose-winging their way to the votes they could see
for themselves with an: “Inclusive and united” policy.
Keith with his policy programme now clearly defined as: “Is he Left, is he
Right, is he Centre, is he Anything?” was delighted to find that his third place
for the first lap meant he was surely now on course for victory.
Only John [BST&T] found he was still backsliding in the opinion polls. Could
now be the right moment for the launch of his own excruciating video version
of: “I Vow to Thee My Country”, and get him round the course?
The normally watchful and attentive pub-side lobby groups of Political
Correspondents [PCs] and Special Advisers [SPADS] were more concerned
with raucously bellowing their own ideas to each other on Life, the Universe
and Everything – rather than anything to do with this contest.
So, what could this Election Candidates’ Devils’ Brew of conspiracy, bad
ideas, unbelievable strategies and unwavering self-interest produce from this
“A” for Answers course, other than a head aching-inducing and horridly-mixed
cocktail Cabinet?
Perhaps all of them deserve banishment to the 7th Circle of Hell. It is also
called the Hell of the Violent and the Bestial, very appropriately for the hottest
day of the year, as described in Cantos 12-17 of Dante Alighieri’s “Inferno”,
for sins of violence against neighbours, against themselves, and against God,
Nature, and Art – for failing to commit to Net Zero on climate change.

So, in absolutely no comparison, in our entirely innocent event, who would
turn out to be the ultimate Leader of this Leadership race that is perfectly
obviously and always: “Less about the Leader, more about the Ship”, – and is
never just a flotsam flotilla of fantasies.
And we now have an Answer!
Everyone eventually got round the course!
Rob [No Fairy Tale] completed three laps, as did Chris & Felicia [Diversity &
Gender Balance]. Keith [Mainstream Tacks Policy] completed two. And John,
[Blood, Sweat, Toil & Tears] persistently took a whole hour – and triumphantly
finally completed a lap.
So, on the day, everyone was a Winner!
All political and sailing sins of omission and commission were then
exonerated and forgiven and forgotten with South African Rooibos Tea and
Lemon Drizzle Cake.
But which of them is now actually the Leader?
OOD Andy Ross
17 July 2022

A warm and sunny morning, with a zephyr (westerly wind) just strong enough,
most of the time, for boats to make progress against the incoming neap tide.
The course was changed by necessity from the planned B to a short A.
There were many changes of position early, but James (Enterprise) soon
stretched out a lead and lapped John (Laser) once and Tim Y (Wanderer) twice.
However, he just failed to lap Chris (Leader), and those two completed 8 laps.
Ian, David and friends were in the safety boat.

Nick Floyer, OOD

It was a delightful day with warm sunshine and a steady F 2-3 wind making it
well suited for a B course in the late afternoon.    

The safety boat was manned by David Jones but happily his services were not
stretched.   5 boats competed, each being of a different class.  At the front of
the pack for most of the race was Family Armitage, namely James in his
Enterprise with his daughter Ruth as crew, fighting it out against his son Joe in
his Laser.  All bar one of the boats completed 4 laps within the hour, the only
exception being Nick Floyer in his Gull who saved a final lap by allowing the
Armitages to steam pass him to the finish line.

The two other boats were Distant Thunder with Chris Greenwood and Nikita
Roketskiy sailing together for the first time, and Ian Nethersell sailing his Vibe
single handed.

Mary Short, OOD

Race Report Sunday 26 June 2022: Mare’s Tails.

Mare’s Tails, two miles high and five miles across an azure-blue sky signaled a fast-galloping race
on a ‘C’ course to Isleworth and back. In a warm and southerly wind, deceptively mostly F2, but
gusting dramatically to F4, the question was: would the riders manage to stay in the saddle?
Tim, and his experienced sailing friend John, fine-tuned their Enterprise rigging while Keith
prepped his Laser, hoping his new £3k hearing aids were water-proof, while Nick carefully
maneuvered his pretty new boat onto the foreshore, trusting that his sticking centre-board would
seriously stick to the job of keeping him upright. Rob also then joined the fleet, anxious that his
boom cords were not as tight as would be needed for a high-tension performance.

Tim was first out on the river – and soon found himself becalmed in the long wind-shadow above
Oliver’s Island until Enoch and David in the Safety Boat arrived to guide him through Kew Bridge.
Alongside each other they headed for mid-channel. But just as they entered the bridge a vicious
roque gust swirled them round 180 degrees – and the mast scraped along the arch roof [at the
expense of the burgee] – and they emerged, painfully slowly, all going backwards, on the upstream
side of the bridge, but all thankfully still upright and onboard. Keith and Rob sped through
unassisted. But the OOD, by then walking over Kew Bridge, saw that Nick, rather than commit to
this journey of discovery towards a highly probable dunking, was dropping his mainsail – surely a
sign that he was returning to base; later confirmed by the Safety Boat team.

A perfect line-abreast start was achieved as Tim, Keith and Rob hurtled across the line, billowed
along by the ever-so-strong southerly wind. Their tacks sounded like whip-cracks as they shot back
and forth – and the OOD gathered up the starting flags and walked on up to the Herbarium steps to
see how they were faring.

Immediately, it was obvious there was trouble. In a violent gust Keith had capsized. So too, just
two seconds later, did Tim. Keith then righted – and then capsized again. Tim struggled to get
round the boat to the centre board [or was it John?] – and once upright; and wallowing deep in the
water, with the Safety Boat beside them, they drifted into Brentford Ait and began baling. Keith
capsized for a third time – and this time it seemed he couldn’t find the energy to do anything more.
Meanwhile Rob, who had been boisterously bouncing along upriver, must have seen this chaos
behind him. And, very nobly, he turned round and came back to see if he could help. Later, and in
a typically self-deprecating way, he said that he did not fancy capsizing somewhere up in Isleworth,
all on his own. Now sticking to the bank edge, he made his way against the strong incoming tide
back to Kew Marina.

There too, Tim was towed into the trees again to bale out while the Safety Boat took Rob and Keith
back through Kew Bridge – and turned them in to the slipway beside the bridge, before returning to
pick up Tim – and tow him to SGSC; before then going back for Rob and Keith.

Nick was astonished to see everyone back so soon. What had happened? As the tales and the
experiences of this totally eventful, but totally non-race event, were related, typically, by the time
everyone had got their boats and the Safety Boat back in, the wind had dropped to the gentlest
and easiest of an English summer Sunday afternoon. A Mare’s Tail tall story had turned like the tall
tale of a London Mayor who said one thing – and surprised everyone by doing something
completely different: spinning Mayor’s Tales like a weather cock. Just like on the river!

Thoughts then turned to remembering the three days of Glastonbury – and to looking forward to
Henley and Wimbledon. And, of course, to tea. Alice, Enoch’s partner, had made a banana cake
that was so dense with the concentrated taste of bananas that it rivalled the GDP of an entire
Banana Republic. It was the best kind of tea-time treat – and the tastiest tale of the day for us all!

OOD Andy Ross 26.06.2022

This was a warm cloudy evening race, two days before midsummer. The wind
being in the northeast, meaning that the A course was in the shelter of Strand
houses, the course was changed to a B downstream, where there was a goo
wind, in fact rather too much for the smaller boats. 

Six boats started. James (Enterprise), Rob (Laser) and Chris (Leader) made a
good start close along the Surrey shore, broad-reaching against the flood tide.
Tim Y (Wanderer), Ian (Vibe) and Nick (Gull) preferred Middlesex. The latter
two decided that was a mistake and crossed over, a long way behind the
leaders. Tim persisted and rounded the downstream mark fourth, but retired
after the beat upstream, having shipped too much water over his lee gunwale.
The race then became a procession, with the fleet well spaced out by the
finish. All boats completed three laps, except Nick who was lapped by James
shortly before the finish.

Keith Clarke was OOD, and the safety boat, manned by David Jones and Andy
Ross, was in watchful attendance.

Nick Floyer