OOD: Nick Floyer, Safety Boat: Henry Brown and Nikita Bierkark
Sunday’s race was an experiment. Faced with a sequence of D-course the Committee decided to try an experimental low-water course, mid-tide, against the seaward flow of the river. An E-course, E for experimental. There was a piece about it in the Newsletter. The preference was for an upstream course so that if the wind died the fleet would be swept back to Strand rather than Hammersmith, and that dictated an E, NE or N wind to make progress against the flow. And on Sunday we had a forecast of a light ENE wind. And sunshine. And there’s been no rain for ages, so the river was docile. Perfect. Or, perfect?
Five boats slithered through the slime and launched: James Armitage and Ayanda (Ent.); Lev and David Kolobov (Ent.); Felicia Bierkark and Ariel in Chris’ Leader; Ben Chappell (Laser); and Tim Young (Wanderer). The first challenge was to make it to the Bell and Crown start line in the very light and very variable wind. Two tried on the Surrey side of Oliver’s Island and three on the Strand side.
Eventually, after a 13-minute delay to the start, all reached the line and were ready to meet the next challenge: the wind-shadow of Kew Bridge and the passage through the bridge. All but Ben made it through the bridge. James led the way, followed by Lev (who struggled with an improvised tiller, without extension) and then Tim. The patch above the bridge was a mess of little winds from all or no direction.
Nick Floyer had wisely suggested that the safety boat lay a turning buoy just ahead of the leader at about 15:45, which was about halfway along the Brentford Aits. James rounded and sailed / drifted back to the Bell and Crown with the current in about 5 minutes. Lev was about 25 minutes behind him, but Tim and Felicia, like Ben had retired before then.
Was the experiment a success? We proved that Enterprises could do it even in very light winds, but for a satisfactory race we needed a reliable E, NE wind and another point on the Beaufort Scale.
Race report inferred from the race sheet. An eye-witness account would be welcome. Six boats were out enjoying the sunshine, led by James and Chris, who actually had a lead over James at the third lap. Lev appears to have had a bad start but worked his way back through the fleet to finish his 7th lap just behind James and Chris on their 8th. Tim was consistently up with the leaders.
It was busy work for Steve as Race Officer with six boats completing 6-8 laps. I don’t envy him that. And he was kind to Nick in his delightful Gull, finishing him on his 6th lap although he was 25 seconds ahead of James.
Next week it’s the garden party on Saturday (don’t forget to tell Marian if you’re going) and a possible experimental C or D course on Sunday on the rising tide starting at 15:00. Or it may be changed to an A course starting around 18:30.
It was a morning C Course, with a planned 11:20 start which was delayed by 6 minutes to 11:26. A hot sunny day with a strong down river breeze with many gusts and choppy water. The start point was from the last moored boat on the pontoon, in line with the mooring posts on each side of the river and the partly-hidden by new buildings Steam Museum Tower.
Six boats started: Zephyr, James Armitage and daughter, 23444, Enterprise. Porpoise, L Kolobov, 21408, Enterprise. Phoebe, Rob Adams, 174570, Laser. Kaia, Keith Clarke, 195250, Laser. Distant Thunder, Chris Greenwood & Felicia, 1043, Leader. SY2, Sam Shemtob with two young crew from America., SY2, Wayfarer.
A good start with a James leading, followed closely by Rob, Keith, Lev, then Chris with Sam far behind with his well reefed sails. After about 10 minutes Lev capsized near Kew but he speedily righted the boat and set about emptying all the water out. Good progress was made by the first 5 boats with Sam still well behind. The buoy was placed in line with the Sion Park wall near the London Apprentice. Alas, soon after rounding the Buoy Keith decided some capsize drill was needed. He righted the boat well, but had two more capsizes and decided it was wise to retire and the Safety Boat started towing him back. James and Rob were well ahead in the distance followed by Lev. Chris and Felicia had pulled into the side near Kew and Brentford Ait and lowered the sails and mast because of a broken rudder due to loose pintles. During all these events Sam gently ambled along from well behind and made up lost time. As the safety boat was towing Keith’s Laser back they passed us, lowered the sails, and then gently and gracefully drifted by the finish line with no help from oars. Finish times: James, 12:15:30 Rob:, 12:16:00 Lev, 12:25 Sam, 12:45 Keith Retired Chris Retired
Race Report: Election Candidates. Sunday 17 July 2022 The Election Candidates trolleyed their policy boats, immediately axle-deep in fetid, mud-green sludge and sleaze, onto a de-oxygenated riverbed. Could there possibly be a clean start – or was it a sign of much more mud- slinging to come? The wind of change was in the air: a hot and strong Westerly. Late on the scene, delayed by the ruthless routing-out all other contenders, the 1922 Committee Safety Boat with James and Nikita onboard, agreed with the OOD it was a perfect day for long and selection-testing questions on an’ A’ for Politically Correct Answers course with the downstream buoy at the SGSC ramp and upstream at the Bell & Crown – with even the possibility of Round the Island, if anyone had a new idea to offer. Three Lasers stood up first for Questions. Rob, the “No Fairy Tale” [NFT] candidate was followed by Keith, “Mainstream Tacks Policy” [MTP], and then by John, determinedly both standing and sitting for a traditional: “Blood, Sweat, Toil & Tears” [BST&T] policy. They were followed by Chris and Felicia, who were claiming the votes for: “Diversity & Gender Balance” [DGB]. All four then found that the fresh hot wind, almost from the start, was dying out. So politically which way to go? All were certain that taxing to the Left, while tacking to the Right would be a sure race winner. Only Keith [MTP] stuck to the mid-channel position with minor adjustments, fine-tuning his policy-trimming, taxing this way and then axing taxing that. But they all struggled to get as far as the grid, where they were all becalmed. Oliver’s Island, representing the Great British Public [GBP] with its tall bulk of trees, had stubbornly blocked a slight shift in wind to the South-West – and refused to allow the fresh breeze of honest public opinion to take any interest at all in the squabbling and argumentative in-fighting that was now breaking out amongst these racing Election Candidates. Whose: “Broken promise” to give way had left a bitter taste? Who was the: “Snake from behind” who had found that tiny nudge of wind to get ahead and spoil the fact they were: “Ready to lead”? Where had the ambition to “Get things done” found that their path to victory was obstructed and unachievable?
What had their experience of: “Serving on the front line” all been for? They were all obviously now deeply: “In The Thick Of It.” But John, [Blood, Sweat, Toil & Tears], was certain that now was exactly the right moment to: “Hit the ground running”. And he did so. Literally. Dramatically shifting tack to go inside the grid, his centreboard struck the timbers – and he both broke off a chunk of fibreglass, and nearly broke a thumb; leaving a smear of blood that could potentially be a good clue for a future role in Death in Paradise, should he need a post-political career? The 1922 Committee went to see if [by some mysterious and secret means] they could shift the position of the downstream buoy to enable a different kind of voting, and a quicker outcome – and saw that there was a significant breeze of journalistic investigation that meant they couldn’t. They retired to moor for the duration in contemplation at the Bell & Crown. At long last, Rob, [NFT], turned round the buoy and sped upstream on the incoming tide with a determined: “Will to win”. He was followed by Chris and Felicia [DBG], beautifully goose-winging their way to the votes they could see for themselves with an: “Inclusive and united” policy. Keith with his policy programme now clearly defined as: “Is he Left, is he Right, is he Centre, is he Anything?” was delighted to find that his third place for the first lap meant he was surely now on course for victory. Only John [BST&T] found he was still backsliding in the opinion polls. Could now be the right moment for the launch of his own excruciating video version of: “I Vow to Thee My Country”, and get him round the course? The normally watchful and attentive pub-side lobby groups of Political Correspondents [PCs] and Special Advisers [SPADS] were more concerned with raucously bellowing their own ideas to each other on Life, the Universe and Everything – rather than anything to do with this contest. So, what could this Election Candidates’ Devils’ Brew of conspiracy, bad ideas, unbelievable strategies and unwavering self-interest produce from this “A” for Answers course, other than a head aching-inducing and horridly-mixed cocktail Cabinet? Perhaps all of them deserve banishment to the 7th Circle of Hell. It is also called the Hell of the Violent and the Bestial, very appropriately for the hottest day of the year, as described in Cantos 12-17 of Dante Alighieri’s “Inferno”, for sins of violence against neighbours, against themselves, and against God, Nature, and Art – for failing to commit to Net Zero on climate change.
So, in absolutely no comparison, in our entirely innocent event, who would turn out to be the ultimate Leader of this Leadership race that is perfectly obviously and always: “Less about the Leader, more about the Ship”, – and is never just a flotsam flotilla of fantasies. And we now have an Answer! Everyone eventually got round the course! Rob [No Fairy Tale] completed three laps, as did Chris & Felicia [Diversity & Gender Balance]. Keith [Mainstream Tacks Policy] completed two. And John, [Blood, Sweat, Toil & Tears] persistently took a whole hour – and triumphantly finally completed a lap. So, on the day, everyone was a Winner! All political and sailing sins of omission and commission were then exonerated and forgiven and forgotten with South African Rooibos Tea and Lemon Drizzle Cake. But which of them is now actually the Leader? OOD Andy Ross 17 July 2022
A warm and sunny morning, with a zephyr (westerly wind) just strong enough, most of the time, for boats to make progress against the incoming neap tide. The course was changed by necessity from the planned B to a short A. There were many changes of position early, but James (Enterprise) soon stretched out a lead and lapped John (Laser) once and Tim Y (Wanderer) twice. However, he just failed to lap Chris (Leader), and those two completed 8 laps. Ian, David and friends were in the safety boat.
It was a delightful day with warm sunshine and a steady F 2-3 wind making it well suited for a B course in the late afternoon.
The safety boat was manned by David Jones but happily his services were not stretched. 5 boats competed, each being of a different class. At the front of the pack for most of the race was Family Armitage, namely James in his Enterprise with his daughter Ruth as crew, fighting it out against his son Joe in his Laser. All bar one of the boats completed 4 laps within the hour, the only exception being Nick Floyer in his Gull who saved a final lap by allowing the Armitages to steam pass him to the finish line.
The two other boats were Distant Thunder with Chris Greenwood and Nikita Roketskiy sailing together for the first time, and Ian Nethersell sailing his Vibe single handed.
Mare’s Tails, two miles high and five miles across an azure-blue sky signaled a fast-galloping race on a ‘C’ course to Isleworth and back. In a warm and southerly wind, deceptively mostly F2, but gusting dramatically to F4, the question was: would the riders manage to stay in the saddle? Tim, and his experienced sailing friend John, fine-tuned their Enterprise rigging while Keith prepped his Laser, hoping his new £3k hearing aids were water-proof, while Nick carefully maneuvered his pretty new boat onto the foreshore, trusting that his sticking centre-board would seriously stick to the job of keeping him upright. Rob also then joined the fleet, anxious that his boom cords were not as tight as would be needed for a high-tension performance.
Tim was first out on the river – and soon found himself becalmed in the long wind-shadow above Oliver’s Island until Enoch and David in the Safety Boat arrived to guide him through Kew Bridge. Alongside each other they headed for mid-channel. But just as they entered the bridge a vicious roque gust swirled them round 180 degrees – and the mast scraped along the arch roof [at the expense of the burgee] – and they emerged, painfully slowly, all going backwards, on the upstream side of the bridge, but all thankfully still upright and onboard. Keith and Rob sped through unassisted. But the OOD, by then walking over Kew Bridge, saw that Nick, rather than commit to this journey of discovery towards a highly probable dunking, was dropping his mainsail – surely a sign that he was returning to base; later confirmed by the Safety Boat team.
A perfect line-abreast start was achieved as Tim, Keith and Rob hurtled across the line, billowed along by the ever-so-strong southerly wind. Their tacks sounded like whip-cracks as they shot back and forth – and the OOD gathered up the starting flags and walked on up to the Herbarium steps to see how they were faring.
Immediately, it was obvious there was trouble. In a violent gust Keith had capsized. So too, just two seconds later, did Tim. Keith then righted – and then capsized again. Tim struggled to get round the boat to the centre board [or was it John?] – and once upright; and wallowing deep in the water, with the Safety Boat beside them, they drifted into Brentford Ait and began baling. Keith capsized for a third time – and this time it seemed he couldn’t find the energy to do anything more. Meanwhile Rob, who had been boisterously bouncing along upriver, must have seen this chaos behind him. And, very nobly, he turned round and came back to see if he could help. Later, and in a typically self-deprecating way, he said that he did not fancy capsizing somewhere up in Isleworth, all on his own. Now sticking to the bank edge, he made his way against the strong incoming tide back to Kew Marina.
There too, Tim was towed into the trees again to bale out while the Safety Boat took Rob and Keith back through Kew Bridge – and turned them in to the slipway beside the bridge, before returning to pick up Tim – and tow him to SGSC; before then going back for Rob and Keith.
Nick was astonished to see everyone back so soon. What had happened? As the tales and the experiences of this totally eventful, but totally non-race event, were related, typically, by the time everyone had got their boats and the Safety Boat back in, the wind had dropped to the gentlest and easiest of an English summer Sunday afternoon. A Mare’s Tail tall story had turned like the tall tale of a London Mayor who said one thing – and surprised everyone by doing something completely different: spinning Mayor’s Tales like a weather cock. Just like on the river!
Thoughts then turned to remembering the three days of Glastonbury – and to looking forward to Henley and Wimbledon. And, of course, to tea. Alice, Enoch’s partner, had made a banana cake that was so dense with the concentrated taste of bananas that it rivalled the GDP of an entire Banana Republic. It was the best kind of tea-time treat – and the tastiest tale of the day for us all!
This was a warm cloudy evening race, two days before midsummer. The wind being in the northeast, meaning that the A course was in the shelter of Strand houses, the course was changed to a B downstream, where there was a goo wind, in fact rather too much for the smaller boats.
Six boats started. James (Enterprise), Rob (Laser) and Chris (Leader) made a good start close along the Surrey shore, broad-reaching against the flood tide. Tim Y (Wanderer), Ian (Vibe) and Nick (Gull) preferred Middlesex. The latter two decided that was a mistake and crossed over, a long way behind the leaders. Tim persisted and rounded the downstream mark fourth, but retired after the beat upstream, having shipped too much water over his lee gunwale. The race then became a procession, with the fleet well spaced out by the finish. All boats completed three laps, except Nick who was lapped by James shortly before the finish.
Keith Clarke was OOD, and the safety boat, manned by David Jones and Andy Ross, was in watchful attendance.
It was good that there was sufficient wind to warrant a B course rather than the fallback option of an A course. It was a delightfully sunny morning and the conditions at the upstream end of the course were calm though the wind was prone to vanishing completely for short periods. Further downstream the sailors reported a tendency for changeable wind direction and wind speed.
The safety boat was manned by David Jones accompanied by Paco and Kieran Biekarck whose services were only called upon after the race finish to help Keith Clarke in his Laser get back to the club under the railway bridge on the rising tide.
Nick Floyer in his lovely Gull got off to a quick start and was first to reach the downstream buoy but was beaten to the first lap by Chris Greenwood and Felicia in his Leader. Chris maintained his lead on the second lap but then Lev Kolobov and David (Enterprise) sneaked ahead and stayed there to finish the fourth and final lap 10 minutes ahead. Keith and then Nick followed after a further ten minutes, only 6 seconds apart.
Next week is an A-course after a working party, and the Master of Sums is off to Greece for 7 weeks. Could OODs please leave results sheets in the Arch so that Nick can collect them and do the sums?
Could it be the Queen herself about to parachute-in to join the SGSC fleet assembling for the 4-day Platinum Jubilee Race Regatta?
The SGSC flag spun around its pole in dizzying anticipation – but the helicopter moved over and slowly descended on the allotments on the opposite Kew bank; an air ambulance had been called for some reason.
Although Ait Knots rocked, while not being given exactly the right Royal Regatta send-off, we cheerfully made up for it with really great bunting! Unflustered by this kerfuffle, the SGSC fleet mustered; James with Ruth, Chris with Felicia, Ben, Tim, and Sam with a crew, and David Jones, Andy Ross and Tim in the Safety Boat; all lined-up for a tow down to London Corinthians in beautifully sunny weather.
The Y-shaped arrangement of the towline, with two arms extending from the rear cleats with boats staggered alternatively proved hard to control. Swinging across the river as each of the lines took up the strain was only suppressed by keeping to a very low speed; a problem answered on Day 2.
The fleet arrived at LCSC well ahead of time and moored on the rowing pontoon. And found no-one else there at very low tide.
Eventually, LCSC opened up and said they thought 4 or 5 of their boats would be sailing. But that quickly increased to about 10 -15. Then a message came from Ranelagh, and also from Southbank, to say that they were each bringing 10 – 15 boats, which began to panic the catering staff. And it eventually turned out that close on to 40 boats were assembling! It was going to be a massive Regatta! A vast fleet was soon moored all along the riverbank.
The LCSC OOD announced there were going to be three races, around two buoys. The first would be of three laps, then two, then one. It was slightly breezy warm day, but now with a very strong incoming tide. At the starting signal, very few boats were at the line; most were drifting back with the tide – and it seemed several could be washed away completely.
Sure enough, the SGSC SB went to rescue the LCSC Commodore, Beverley, from Chiswick Ait – and also towed back up Tim who, unobserved by the OOD amidst the struggling throng, recovered his position in the race. But the great majority failed to complete even one lap. After an hour the OOD ended it. The second race fared no better, only a few got round, – and it was to the great relief of a by-then completely exhausted fleet that the remaining number of the original 40 boats finally managed to complete the third and final race, but only because the tide had slackened enough. Throughout, Sam’s boat was heard: its magnificent bunting fluttering, with Chris also thundering along.
The SGSC boats were hauled up into the LCSC yard and our SB was moored onto the pontoon, ready for the trip down to Ranelagh next day.
The LCSC catering crew in the meantime had managed find extra food for the unexpected number of sailors – and the beers from the bar went down very well. The bicycles that had been piled up on the Safety Boat took their owner’s home.
James with Ruth, who managed to finish all three races in the in the time available, came in third place overall.
Day 2.
As we gathered on the Hammersmith foreshore the Red Arrows flew by on their ‘Round the Country’ tour, accompanied by a fly-past of dozens of veteran aircraft that dispersed over Hammersmith in every direction.
The cure for the swinging-about of towed boats on a single line was solved by using separate towing lines from the port and starboard rear cleats, with the heaviest boats first, lighter ones after. This indeed proved to be far more satisfactory during the journey to Ranelagh, as we sped downriver.
After dropping off some LCSC passengers and re-rigging, about 30 boats were assembled there. On another warm and sunny day, but still with a very light wind, the Ranelagh OOD announced there were to be two races: one down to Battersea Bridge. And another back, after the tide had turned.
Given the long slow bend round the Fulham reach, the fleet quite soon spread out and were far apart – with James, it seemed, in the lead.
After about an hour the OOD boat hurried away – and laid a buoy just before the bridge, though beforehand they had asked us to inform the fleet that the finishing line was between their Safety Boat and the buoy.
Unfortunately, this was misinterpreted by some in the fleet to mean it was between us and the OOD. And so, as we had moored between the OOD, and a very shallow shore, several boats headed to finish between our two boats – and they could not understand why we were waving them away!
The two OOD’s in the Ranelagh boat were then both simultaneously raising and lowering flags, sounding hooters, writing down times, – and taking photos of multiple boats crossing the finishing line on both sides at the same time. They needed a photo finish to separate everyone out!
The return race from Battersea Bridge began precisely at 12.30pm – and, sonorously echoing across the whole of London, came the sound of the 16½ ton Great Paul bell of St Paul’s cathedral to mark the start of the Thanksgiving Service for Queen Elizabeth II.
Simultaneously, the eight bells of St Mary’s church, right beside Battersea Bridge, burst into ringing chimes that were, in effect, the most extraordinary starting gun sound ever heard. Tintinnabulation of church bells on a sailing Sunday morning, blowing in the breeze across the river, marked both a magnificent sight and sound – and an unforgettable moment in history.
And so then, our own ceremonial Platinum Sailing Procession began in great style.
After finishing at Ranelagh, all the SGSC boats carried on up to Southbank and were hauled out to await the start there of the race on Day 3 – and the SGSC Safety Boat returned to Ranelagh to moor out on a mid-river pontoon. Nearly everyone then walked back to Ranelagh for a pre-plated buffet supper. But where was the Platinum Pudding? Not there. Where was it?
James and Lev finished third overall based on the two races, having come first on the beat downstream and Tim distinguished himself with a fourth place on the run back upstream.
Day 3
Overnight, the weather forecast deteriorated dramatically: gales and rain were expected. An early morning consultation with everyone then led to a decision to abandon completely SGSC’s participation in the Southbank race – and to head back upriver straightaway, while the tide was in our favour.
Accordingly, Andy Ross took the train to Putney to collect the Safety Boat – and found the Ranelagh clubhouse locked and, at very low tide, nobody at all on the river. Not a single rower, and more significantly, not a single onboard boat could be seen anywhere to help get him out to the mid-river pontoon.
A call to Chris – and his gentle persuasion on Southbank, enabled the commandeering of a Safety Boat to come and rescue ours, and so our fleet [in fine and sunny weather again] forsook the charms of Southbank [and the promise of its BBQ] – and we all prepared to head for home: Sam and Ben sailing, James, Chris and Tim in tow.
The sailors were forewarned not, under any circumstances, to attempt to limbo under Hammersmith Bridge – even if tempted. And indeed, they stopped on the foreshore beforehand and de-masted to enable a walk-under, tilting their masts – and then, joined now by James, sailing on up.
The weary Safety Boat after days of motoring, protested at the gross indignity of being hauled by a winch up the ramp by its trolley with a split-flat tyre – but, as with all the other boats, and their sailors, everyone was glad to get home.
Except, not yet.
Day 4
The precaution of sailing back ahead of a great storm of rain proved totally illusory. Sunday dawned as warm and as sunny as the preceding three days.
So, the only remaining event on the Platinum Jubilee Race Regatta weekend was the Strand on the Green Association street party.